Did you know that thinking can get you in trouble when you’re tempted? Here’s why.

Resisting temptation is easy, we’re sometimes told, if we just think about it the right way. A married man, for instance, when meeting a beautiful, “tempting” woman needs to remember he’s married…like Mr. Potato Head in Toy Story repeating the mantra “I’m a married spud, I’m a married spud” when he meets Barbie. Or an alcoholic needs to remember how alcohol ruins her life and relationships. The dieter when meeting a piece of cake needs to tell himself, “I’m dieting…no thanks.” Or the workaholic just needs to remember that the world won’t fall apart if the Blackberry is turned off for a while.

“Good” thinking can, indeed, help in the presence of temptation. It helps us remember the larger picture, keeping ourselves, our problems, and our temptations in perspective of other motivators.

Thinking doesn’t always win

But for many, and especially for a person fighting an addiciton, that doesn’t always work…in fact for some it seldom works. Why is that? Alcoholics Anonymous calls it “stinkin’ thinkin’.” When working with my addiction counseling clients, we refer to it as “addict brain.” It happens when our reasoning gets twisted in the presence of temptation in a way that leads us toward acting on temptation rather than leading us away. The recovering alcoholic starts to reason that she can stop going to recovery meetings because she is doing so well. Besides, hearing all those people talking about their problems is such a downer…it’s not helping, it’s really making things worse! Or the husband who decides that he’d never have an affair with a woman, so he deserves the little treat of some porn every now and then as a reward for his “faithfulness”. And besides, he thinks, it’s really good for his marriage because it keeps him more even-tempered and relaxed.

How do we reconcile the two experiences…that sometimes reason acts as a defense against acting out and sometimes it leads us straight into it? A recent study published in Psychological Science tried to make sense of the seemingly polarized experiences.

A devil on both shoulder

Here’s the basic gist. We often see the experience of temptation as having a devil (desire…passion) on one shoulder trying to talk us into doing something bad. Meanwhile, we have an angel (reason…”good” thinking) on the other shoulder trying to help us do the right thing. But the study shows that when we are in a “hot” physical state – one that is vulnerable or prone to acting out like the dieter who is hungry or the alcoholic who is stressed or overly tired – our “good” thinking actually becomes twisted.

If we think of the reason versus passion struggle, we tend to think that cognition serves long-term interests and passion serves immediate gratification—the angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other. We also think that if [you act on the temptation], your thoughts—the angel—are in the right place, but you give into temptation—the devil.

This is not accurate, actually. Yes, need or desire abets impulsivity, but it also corrupts the cognitive processes that would help you interrupt that behavior.

In other words, the physical state one is in when entering into temptation changes the way the person reasons about the tempting situation. “Good” thinking becomes corrupted when we are in a “hot” physical state. So rather than keeping us from acting out, our thinking actually helps take us there. It’s more like having a devil on both shoulders!

If thinking doesn’t win, then what does?

A number of things can be helpful, but most of them require preparation and even rehearsal. Below are some ideas you can consider developing if you are fighting temptation.

Relationships matter.

Friends can talk sense into us when our “good” thinking fails us. Just the act of verbalizing the reasoning that’s going on in our heads can sometimes be enough to wake us up to realize how twisted our thinking is in the moment. “I’ll just eat cake for lunch because it’s the same number of calories as a meal” might work in our heads; but explaining that to a caring friend may not sound as reasonable. So if you’re fighting a temptation, have a friend or two lined up whom you can call or text at a moment’s notice. When you realize you’re in the presence of your temptation, make a habit of contacting that person.
Grace.

Psychiatrist Gerald May says in his book Addiction and Grace, “to be alive is to be addicted, and to be addicted is to be in need of grace.” May’s perspective is not a negative, fatalistic message, but one that recognizes the spiritual need for grace to overcome temptations in life.
Other resources.

Look for the things, people, and places that bring happiness and comfort. When facing temptation, put yourself in contact with those resources. That may mean physically going to a place that helps calm you. Or it may mean taking the 30 seconds you have and going to your “happy place” in your imagination. The effect can be enough to bring you back from the edge.
Relaxation.

Finally, using relaxation techniques can help change your physical state – reduce the “hot” state as the study calls is – so that your thinking is less twisted. Anything from 20 seconds spent taking three slow, deep breaths to 10 minutes spent on progressive muscle relaxation can be helpful.

Of course, the list is not comprehensive. And if you are having trouble getting past of a particular habit or temptation, consider working with a counselor who is trained in treating addictions.

Photo by Dani Sardà i Lizaran used under Creative Commons License