How family problems get started.  How family problems get worse.  We’ve covered some tough ground in my previous two posts.  So, is there hope?  How do family problems get better?  What helps a family recover when bad stuff happens?  What are the keys to family resilience? 

We all know that bad things happen to families.  Sometimes those family problems turn into “problems” – the theme of my first post. And for some families, things begin to go downhill.  The family “problems” get worse as various factors bear down – the theme of my second post. But sometimes the family bounces back.  Something happens that helps them heal as they respond to the family “problem.”  What are the factors that help restore healthy family functioning?

• Turning Point

  Families that heal experience a turning point…something that changes the way the family sees the “problem.”  For some, it’s just “dumb luck” and things start to get better.  For others, it’s a combination of other factors.  But a family in crisis needs something to shake them out of the way they are living in the problem.

• “We” Attitude

  Families that recover from problems develop a “we” orientation.  A “we” orientation means an increased sense of family togetherness and mutual emotional support.  Instead of seeing someone inside the family as being the problem, the family bands together in addressing the issues that have led to the problem.  A “we” orientation also adjusts family imbalances that may have caused some members to feel isolated or left out and without a say.  Finally, a “we” attitude means the family cares about meeting the needs of all its members.

• Reduced Stress

  Once the family begins to develop a “we” orientation, anxiety and tensions in the family start to go down.  The “we” orientation along with reduced anxiety makes it possible for the family to start seeing themselves in a different light…parents and kids start to experience the family in a more healthy way, giving them hope about other areas (like the “problem.”)

• Reassurance from Family and Community

  Even a low level of reassurance and support from extended family and the people around the family (church, preschool teacher, neighbors, doctor, therapist, etc.) help the family recover.

• Flexible Explanations and Solutions

  We can all get caught in the cycle of feeling that what is happening now is what will always be happening.  But families that improve get input that helps them see the “problem” as normal development or as being transitory.  Just knowing that life may be different tomorrow is a powerful part of making life different tomorrow.  Once the horizon is broadened in thinking about the cause, then naturally new solutions are on the table.

Family Therapy

So, what is the role of a family therapist?  Therapy is often a defining turning point for families in crisis.  The therapist works to help bring a positive change in the way the family is organized and functioning, resulting in a more helpful “we” attitude.  The counselor can also be a powerful voice of encouragement in addition to helping the family look for and listen to other encouraging voices.  And the therapist helps the family awaken to new explanations and possibilities for the “problem,” helping them begin to write a new ending for a problem that seems as though it will never end.

Posts in this series:
1. How Family Problems Develop
2. How Family Problems Get Worse
3. How Family Problems Get Worse

Photo by Pink Sherbet Photography used under Creative Commons License
Source:
Dallos, R., & Hamilton-Brown, L. (2000). Pathways to problems-an exploratory study of how problems evolve vs dissolve in families. Journal of Family Therapy, 22(4), 375.